“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Today Facebook showed me a memory from 10 years ago. My editor had just sent me the edits from my first 2 chapters of my book “Two Mothers One Prayer” (link here). What an exciting time that was. The first of many steps that it took to bring the book to fruition just one year after my sweet daughter Celeste had passed. We were able to then complete it all one year later and had it published on February 24th 2015 – Celeste’s Day – the day we remember her passing.
This week and next I thought I would share another excerpt from “Two Mothers One Prayer” (link here). The five tips that I share in the book are the importance of Reaching Out, Connecting, Reflecting, Expressing and Loving through difficult times. I hope you will find a little nugget of truth or an idea that can help you in your life as you read this excerpt from chapter 8 Reach Out and Connect.
“Just four months before Celeste was diagnosed, I was in West Palm Beach, Florida, taking Bob Proctor’s five-day training course to become a Certified LifeSuccess Consultant. For the training we had to become proficient in teaching others how our mind works, understanding the conscious and subconscious mind.
I had been preparing my presentation for months. I listened to Bob’s materials over and over again until I really understood how my thoughts controlled my feelings, which controlled my actions. This all led to the results in my life. A great deal stems from whether we focus on negative or positive thoughts and emotions. Negative thoughts and emotions produce negative results and positive thoughts and emotions produce positive results.
I also learned that negative thoughts like worry, doubt, and fear, stem from some form of ignorance or lack of knowledge. If I was afraid it usually meant I lacked knowledge. If I was worrying about something, in order to turn it around I just needed to find out what knowledge I was missing. Once you have the bigger picture—the missing information, understanding, or knowledge—you then can stand in a position of hope and confidence and can function with renewed strength and courage.
I had no idea then how much I was about to put this newfound knowledge into practice.
Once Celeste was diagnosed, each time a wave of doubt or fear would come over me, I would ask myself, “What is it that I don’t know?” When I was scared by what was happening to Celeste, I would ask questions or read up on her diagnosis to better understand and that took away the fear.
I knew I was going to have to be at my strongest in order to best help her. That’s when I realized I wouldn’t be able to do this on my own. I was going to need help.
Looking back now three years later, I can see the steps we (our family and Hayley and Laurie’s family) took to get through the new and frightening diagnosis, the long and multiple treatments, the recovery process, the relapses and the need to refocus our thoughts when things turned bad. There were five keys things that Laurie and I did that helped to foster hope, and these things ultimately gave us the strength and courage to continue on every day. We share these with you so you too can feel that hope, feel that strength and feel that courage.
We realized we had to reach out, connect, reflect, express, and love.
Reach out
No matter how strong or independent you are, you can’t do this alone. You have to reach out.
Once I received the initial news that Celeste was going in for an MRI and would soon be going in for surgery, I made those first few calls to family and church members immediately. I knew there were several things we needed right then. A place in London for Matt and Grayson to stay overnight while I was with Celeste. A priesthood blessing for Celeste from the bishop. Later that night I sent out an initial post on Facebook letting people know what was going on and asking them to pray for Celeste.
When we began to process the magnitude of her diagnosis, I knew I was going to need even more help. I created a dream list, the best of the best in their different areas of expertise, and told them that I would be so grateful if I could receive their help. These were people who could help me be at my best so I could strong enough to help Celeste.
I called or emailed each one to ask their advice or ask for referrals to who was the best person to see in the Toronto area. I spoke to church leaders, to EFT practitioners, transformational leaders, and healers. I bought the books that were suggested to me and found more on my own. I was willing to ask anyone and everyone I could think of who could help me and, ultimately, Celeste.
Once Celeste started her treatments, I created a Facebook group to keep people updated. Laurie created a CarePages page for Hayley. Laurie reached out to her church community and their large extended family in New Jersey. This became a huge support to each of us, knowing we weren’t alone. This is how we found each other. I had found a website dedicated to educating people about pineoblastoma, created by a mom, Stacy, who had lost her little boy Wade in 2010 (www.pineoblastoma.com). On that website she has a page dedicated to listing other children diagnosed with pineoblastoma.
As I scrolled through, I saw the listing for another little girl, Hayley, who was the same age as Celeste and was diagnosed the same month. I couldn’t believe it. Someone else was going through the same thing at the same time as us. I found her on CarePages and reached out to her and her family. It was such a blessing to find each other.
Reaching out can also be the source of peace, comfort, and happiness for ourselves and our children. The dream list I made included Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield, Hale Dwoskin, Carol Look, Michael Beckwith, President Thomas S. Monson, Nick Vujicic and Adam McLeod—Dream Healer. Bob Proctor spoke with me and gave me guidance. Jack Canfield emailed me books he recommended I read and referred me to excellent healers. Hale Dwoskin referred me to his top Sedona Method practitioners in Toronto. Carol Look spoke with me and referred me to the perfect EFT practitioner in my area, Vivian Cannataro, who became my lifeline over the next couple of years.
Friends connected me with people from Michael Beckwith’s church, Agape, and they included Celeste’s name in the prayer list and sent a very beautiful prayer for her. We were able to arrange for Celeste to meet President Monson and he let her know that he was praying for her every day. A year and a half later, his office called to let her know that he still prayed for her daily. Kara from Nick Vujicic’s office let me know that they would pray for Celeste, and Adam McLeod shared with me some great visualization techniques to use with Celeste. It is incredible how many people are willing to help if you just ask.
Once Celeste started her chemo, she needed some cheering up, so I contacted the CBC and Stuart McLean and his radio show the Vinyl Café—one of Celeste’s favorite shows! Stuart and his staff wrote back and sent Celeste some of his CDs and books. I contacted one of her favorite Canadian bands, Chic Gamine. Band members Andrina Turenne and Alex Dirks arranged to call Celeste and sent her a signed copy of their newest CD and a poster for her room.
Celeste desperately wanted to see the new Pooh Bear movie when it came out in July 2011. We arranged to have the whole theater to ourselves (just our family) so she could watch it on the big screen. The incredible staff at the cinema welcomed Celeste and gave her loads of promotional gifts. It made it a terrific day for her, for our whole family.
To help me through the difficult months while Celeste was in the hospital, I reached out to the Therapeutic Touch Network of Ontario. They arranged for a lovely team of recognized practitioners to come to the hospital and provide me with Therapeutic Touch sessions every week over the months we were there. They also connected us with the hospital chaplain, who was a practitioner as well and could come to Celeste’s room more often to help ease Celeste’s discomfort between chemo treatments.
The biggest support Laurie received during Hayley’s long months in the hospital was the love and support of her extended family. Their wonderful family members and friends stepped up to the challenge to practically run the house back home, looking after Anthony, Taylor, and Matthew so Laurie could put her full focus on Hayley. Meals and cleaning were taken care of, rides and visiting schedules were arranged, and then donations and fundraising were organized. It was a huge “Team Hayley” effort. But it first started out by reaching out to family and being willing to allow others to help.
Yes, it can be hard sometimes to allow others to serve you. Please let them. It is a gift and you both end up receiving.
While Hayley was in hospital, Laurie made the call to Annika Sorenstam, one of the top female golf professionals in the world and asked if she would mind calling Hayley to cheer her up. Hayley loves golf and was thrilled to chat with Annika via Skype. They got along so famously that Annika offered to call Hayley every month to chat. Three years later, they still chat and have developed a wonderfully close relationship.
These are just some of the wonderful things that can happen when you reach out. You will have to choose who you reach out to. Not everyone you reach out to will be the perfect connection, but it becomes the first step in making a connection. That’s when miracles really start to happen. “
What support do you need in your life right now that could be answered by an amazing person if you are simply willing to share what is happening in your life at the moment? My experience is that people are amazing and want to help if only we are willing to vulnerability share and ask.
Who could you reach out to today?
Next week I will share the second half of that chapter where I talk about the importance of connecting – creating deep meaningful connections to better support you as well.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Brené Brown