“I had found a creative outlet for expressing and it was healing.”
Laura Lane from ‘Two Mothers One Prayer’
This week and last, I have been sharing an excerpt from my book “Two Mothers One Prayer”. The five tips that I share in the book are the importance of Reaching Out, Connecting, Reflecting, Expressing and Loving through difficult times. I hope you will find a little nugget of truth or an idea that can help you in your life as you read this excerpt from the second half of chapter 10 Express.
“To release stress, express.
Another way to release is to do something physical or creative. Go for a walk or a run. If your schedule allows, plan at least a little bit of exercise. It may not always be possible. My running came to a halt when we spent months in Toronto at Sick Kids, so instead I got creative.
What happened next became a story unto itself and opened up a new very healing world to me.
During chemo, Celeste’s stepmom, Michelle, and I would take turns spending the night with Celeste. We would alternate twenty-four hours on and twenty-four hours off, swapping places just after lunchtime each day. When Michelle would arrive at the hospital, I would head back to Ronald McDonald House to eat dinner, do laundry, and rest.
These evenings were long and boring and gave me too much time on my own to think about Celeste. I don’t normally watch TV and after a few bad experiences staying up to watch Hoarders and Storage Wars for too many hours, I realized I needed something to occupy my time so I wouldn’t go crazy.
Downstairs, the house had a craft room for activities for the children staying at RMH. I asked the staff if I could use the craft room late at night when everyone was asleep. They said, “I don’t see why not!”
I stopped by the dollar store on the way back from the hospital to pick up paints and canvasses, and then, at eleven o’clock at night, I laid my canvasses out on the craft table and started painting.
I love to paint acrylic abstract impressionism and that night I painted six paintings. When I was done, I gingerly carried them, one by one, up to my room to dry. I photographed them with my cell phone camera and the next day showed them off to Celeste.
“Look what Mummy did last night!”
It felt so good to do something creative and something just for me. It had been years since I had had an opportunity to paint with four children at home and no real craft/office space to use for my projects.
I decided to post the photos on my Facebook page and rename it Laura Lane, Author, Poet, and Artist. At my next opportunity to go home on the bus to my husband Matt, I packaged the paintings all up and took them with me.
Matt loved my paintings and asked if the next time I could paint using particular colours that he liked: red, black, silver, and gold. I agreed, but I had never done that before, having someone else suggest colours for me to use.
I took four canvasses and painted each a different background colour, then started layering and creating each canvas as I felt inspired by the colours. It worked wonderfully.
The next day when I was showing off my new paintings to Celeste, I suggested she choose four colours and I would create more paintings based on those colours. She chose blue, green, purple, and silver.
At my next opportunity in the craft room, I did another series of paintings. Celeste loved them. I then emailed Laurie and Hayley to tell them what I had been doing on my nights off and asked Hayley to choose four colours as well. Her colors were purple, pink, blue, and yellow.
I emailed the photos once I completed her paintings. Hayley’s favorite she named Waves and it became my signature piece and my favorite too. It is the painting that has been incorporated onto the cover of this book.
It was such a blessing to me to be creative on my nights at Ronald McDonald House and it was thrilling to hear others people’s positive feedback. One day the staff at RMH had come into my room for a regular safety inspection and were so surprised to find my little exhibit of paintings propped up all around the room.
I completed twenty-four paintings in those three months. I didn’t quite know what to do with them. I had recently visited the Art Gallery of Ontario and viewed their contemporary art exhibit. An idea welled up within me. Maybe I could exhibit the paintings and tell people about Celeste and Hayley.
I wanted to express the story of our girls—the miracles we were experiencing—and tell about the power of prayer. I had all the paintings professionally photographed then set about finding galleries who were interested in showing the exhibit. I named the exhibit Two Girls, One Prayer.
I also decided I would auction off the paintings to raise money for Ronald McDonald House and Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto and to help with Hayley’s medical bills.
I met an artist and curator at the QB Gallery in Thorold who was willing to exhibit the paintings. Soon enough, the paintings were framed and hung on the gallery walls. Local journalists interviewed me and took my picture. I was showing my work and telling the world about Celeste and Hayley.
The exhibit opening was December 2011. Other galleries agreed to have the exhibit in January and February. The February date was for the grand opening of a new gallery owned by the artist who had illustrated my children’s book that I had released the previous summer. We had known each other for a number of years and I felt I knew her and trusted her.
Five days after the opening, this artist was arrested in the middle of the night for setting fire to her own gallery. All of my paintings and her life’s work were lost in the fire. I was devastated. She was sentenced to prison for arson. There is no way of knowing or understanding why she did what she did. It was a tough setback.
We had found a creative outlet for expressing and it was healing. The girls were excited about the art gallery exhibits. To have that literally go up in flames was quite a blow.
Right after the fire, I attended an event Bob Proctor was hosting in Toronto. To be surrounded by positive creative people who encouraged me to look for the silver lining and pick up the pieces and move on was truly inspirational. By the end of the day, I was determined to have prints made of the paintings that were lost in the fire. I would create more paintings and put a call out to other artists to donate pieces to the art auction.
My auction would now be bigger and better than I originally planned.
Expression comes in different ways. I have asked for some of the ashes of the art gallery fire so that they can be used to create a special piece of art, just like a phoenix being born out of the ashes.
I continue to express with my art and continue to rebuild my life. I have now opened my own office, studio, and gallery. Creating abstract paintings with four colours has become my signature style. It has remained a creative outlet for me. It was and continues to be an emotional lifesaver for me.
I highly recommend everyone find some sort of creative outlet, some way to express. Just as you need to express your feelings by talking with a trusted someone, you need to express nonverbally too.
You never know where the expressing of yourself will lead you. Being courageous enough to be vulnerable, to open our hearts up, can lead us to deeper relationships with God, friends, and family, and it can provide peace. You may even find you love it!
What can you or are you doing already that is physical or creative expression of the emotions you feel on a daily basis?
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Brene Brown