“God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us—in the dreariest and most dreaded moments—can see a possibility of hope.”
Maya Angelou
This week and last, I have been sharing an excerpt from my book “Two Mothers One Prayer”. The five tips that I share in the book are the importance of Reaching Out, Connecting, Reflecting, Expressing and Loving through difficult times. I hope you will find a little nugget of truth or an idea that can help you in your life as you read this excerpt from the second half of chapter 8 Reach Out and Connect.
“Connect
The second step occurred naturally in consequence to reaching out. Once I found Laurie we began creating a beautiful connection between us. We had similar beliefs and attitudes and our girls were the same age so we had similar concerns about their development. We also had other children close in age.
As you read in the previous chapters, it didn’t happen overnight but very quickly we were loving and supporting each other. Today we are nearly family, we feel so close. We celebrated and cried together, supported one another when we took turns being down and worried. It is the most blessed gift that has come about during this long ordeal. It required trusting and being vulnerable. It required admitting we needed help and that we couldn’t do it alone.
During the long hours of waiting during doctor’s appointments and hospital stays, I read and watched TED talks. One of my favorite authors and speakers is Brené Brown. She taught me a great deal about vulnerability and connection. In her book Daring Greatly she explains, “Connection is why we are here; we are hardwired to connect with others; it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”
What I learned from her is that in order to have connection we must be willing to be vulnerable.
The gift that comes from the courage of being vulnerable is that it begets “love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” She very poignantly points out that vulnerability is “the source of hope.”
It gave me a great sense of hope knowing we weren’t alone. Laurie and I finally had someone who understood our fears and was praying just as fervently for miracles. Celeste and Hayley now had someone who understood exactly what it felt like to be poked and prodded and had the same scars and knew what it felt like to be cooped up in a hospital room away from family and friends for days and weeks.
In Brené Brown’s words “Vulnerability begets vulnerability: Courage is contagious . . . [One] act of vulnerability is predictably perceived as courageous by [others] and inspires others to follow suit.” The circle of influence you have as you reach out and connect may have a ripple effect around you, encouraging family, friends, and other parents to courageously do the same and reap the gifts that occur: love, belonging, and connection. That is when you can recognize that there is much to be grateful for when we allow these gifts and blessings into our lives.
Still it’s not easy. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown explains:
“One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on ‘going it alone.’ Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into ‘those who offer help’ and ‘those who need help.’ The truth is that we are both.”
Please let me reiterate here: You can’t do this alone. Your child isn’t doing this alone and nor do you have to. There is no shame in asking for help; it is one the most courageous things you’ll ever do and will lead to greater connection with those around you.
Many times I found it difficult to ask for help for myself but I was willing to do so for my daughter. When I put together my dream list, I was finally willing to do for her what I, for many years, put off doing for myself. What I found most amazing was how many people were willing to help and wanted to connect and support me and my family. It was incredible. Today I feel so much more love and gratitude and connection than I ever did before and have some very terrific people in my life that I didn’t before. These were the blessings for me in learning to reach out and allowing meaningful connections to occur. It gave me much to reflect on in my life.”
Who can you reach out to that could lead to a meaningful connection in your life? Who can you vulnerably share what is going on in your life with, who will understand your struggles and heartaches? Are you willing to take the risk of courageously sharing in order to allow amazing people and relationships into your life?
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
Brené Brown